Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.