You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision