Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
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And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride