Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
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thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
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Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???