your thong is hanging out like whoa
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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