so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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