mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
