Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
