Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
