i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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