Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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