I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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