Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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