Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
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He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
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Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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