her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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