i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
