sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
