I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
im on a boat
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