My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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