I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
