I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
