There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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