I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
