I showed him my bush... on skype.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Someone signed my nipple.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
