I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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