i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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