I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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