I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
this hospital has no fireball
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
