i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
