plz talk dirty to me
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
