I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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