i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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