3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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