What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
