the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
