My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
