I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Your penis caused this!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
