Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
