the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
