Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
