He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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