when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
did i just pee glitter
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
