some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
