Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
