According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
