tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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