I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize