You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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