I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
