Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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