she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
