Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My vagina is very pro this idea
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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