Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
