at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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