That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
We named our party play list daddy issues
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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