she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The adults are the big ones right?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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