This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
