I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
