thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
