What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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