im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
