Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
