question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
