Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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