Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
