I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
