There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
