I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This girl is more easily done than said...
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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