I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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