eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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